22 replies to this topic

[qazman]

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living $!@% out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't f**k with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was "more humane".

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided into two.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes. Ever.

[Uchiha-Sango]

lol! i dont know who chuck norris is... but this is freaking hilarious

EDIT: i now know who chuck norris is

Edited by JAVA_Sango, 28 December 2005 - 04:09 AM.

[Prez]

Huh? OMG you don't know who chuck norris is? umm lets see Texas Ranger, Lots of movies of him kicking ass, Oh and he has won the world kick boxing championship several times.

[Uchiha-Sango]

eh.. sounds cool lol

[Knights-of-Kneee]

Walker texas ranger
Missing in action series

Those are what he's most known for other than that exersize thing he pushes on infomercials.  I think its called the total gym.

Robert.

[A14]

chuck norris is also in dodgeball. gg. my cousin was a security guard for walker texas ranger. and i got to go to his house outside dallas.

[scop]

Some truths about Vin Diesel:

- When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

- In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

(mostly, I just wanted to try out the arcade)

[Prez]

LOL ok i have to laugh at that at least you posted something....Lets seemakes me want to start a poll

[immortalwombat]

ok idk about you, but i just found a crapload of walker texas ranger episodes my dad taped from like 40 bagilllion years ago...im gonna go for PARTY AT WOMBATS!!!!!!!!!!!

[Wolf]

but... dont wombats live in the ground >.< and arent u scared i might eat u lol umm roasted wombat over a nice crackling fire tastes good maybe i'll add that to fav food list ... roasted wombat ... needs garlic >.<
but ya woot to walker texas ranger that used to be one of my all time fav tv shows back when i was a kid and still watched tv much ... ie watching much tv consisted of sat morn cartoons Hurculese Xena and Walker Texas Ranger with occasional Beast Master and Jag thrown in :-) all exelent tv shows yum wombat

[immortalwombat]

u fail to remember that wombat > u

[eagle-strike]

ya know with all this talk about chuck norris and vin diesel. I notice all are failing to mention or remember the one true bad mo fo steven seagal. That man could beat ya down with one hand and never break a sweat. I highly doubt either vin or chuck could land a shot with the speed he has in his hands. Let alone his total coolness factor. But all in all there are many very good action stars out there. Perhaps a good poll would be a good idea.

[D1TruTaz]

Chuck Norris also trained in and taught Tang-Soo-Do (like a certain Prez we know) for many years, before changing/adding some moves and creating his own style of martial arts.

[shadow163]

did you know that Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time? He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

[Mr.Snuggles]

The REAL truth about Chuck Norris...He's a WUSS!

What do you have to say about this Chuck!



What kind of wuss gets broadsided by a plastic/rubber oar and gets knocked out? I mean come on...

And for the record, Mr.T > all, and I pitty the fool who thinks otherwise!

[Lungs-of-fire]

Chuck norris is god!!

[Le_Murphant]

Well, its funny, i had never heard of chuck norris till i heard "Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries". Then, i saw a part of a movie in a small school journal room crowded with guys that couldn't stop laughing at the cheezyness of the whole thing. Does anyone know if it was really meant to be cheezy? or do people really find it cool to throw a guy backfliping where that guy should have about 1/10 of chuck's weight to make the stunt possible without chuck falling backwards?

[Lord_Eppa]

And to think they'd all be sat back by a young girl....

Their Nemesis

[IronStrike]

im sure some of you know this but im posting this anyways..there is a random fact generator for vin diesel and chucknorris out there along with mr t

[Jebsus]

i seriously laughed out loud at that chuck norris gif.

A man once attempted to give Chuck Norris a hug. Chuck proceeded to kick the crap out of the man. Chuck Norris' father was confined to a wheelchair from that day on.

Chuck Norris Quote Generator