30 replies to this topic

[klick]

never heard it before. its funny. .o2

[Wolf]

ALL I WANNA KNOW IS WHY SNUGGLES DOESNT DO STANDUP COMEDY AND IF HE DOES WOW >.< COOL SHIT ... UR JOKES ARE GREAT >.< UMMM BLOOD UMMM

[Mr.Snuggles]

 Wolf, on Feb 23 2006, 04:03 PM, said:

ALL I WANNA KNOW IS WHY SNUGGLES DOESNT DO STANDUP COMEDY AND IF HE DOES WOW >.< COOL SHIT ... UR JOKES ARE GREAT >.< UMMM BLOOD UMMM

Hah, I basicly do. Just ask anyone who knows me (Aka Sparxxx). I'm always making people crack up laughing .


A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

[Wolf]

OMFG I'M GONNA PISS MYSELF I'M DYIN HERE LOL ... MORE MORE PLZ MORE SNUGGLES U ARE A GENIUS U OWN ON STANDUP COMEDY... THEY NEED A NEW WEAPON IN THE BATTLE SEQUENCE CALLED *SNUGGLE JOKE* WHERE THEY ACTUALLY LOOSE STR FROM LAUGHING THEIR ASS OFF AT YOUR JOKES >.< OK I'LL BE BACK I GOTTA GO TO BATHROOM BEFORE I HAVE AN ACCIDENT LAUGHIN TOO HARD

[Mr.Snuggles]

An Australian farmer buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant. The man hangs up and gives it some thought and comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself. So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he thinks that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted. Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round. "Try again." he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed. The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass. "No," she says, "they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn."

[Wolf]

u have no idea how funny i think that is ... let me enlighten you... for the past coupple years... here in york there is a Fair of great size which has a whole section devoted to sheep cattle and such well there have been some sheep shaggers there a lot lately and there was a guy rapin sheep by tying their legs with twine in southern york and the owner caught the intruder in the act so i really appreciated that one cuz it has some relevance to our area which makes it really funny >.<

[Mr.Snuggles]

Sorry for the late response people . Went snowboarding over the weekend. I'm glad I'm not a video game character. I fell off the side twice T_T. Once I fell into a small river cause some moron cut me off, and the 2nd time I skid out of control on a turn and someone decided "Hey, I know! Lets cut a hole just big enough for a human body to go through on the safety net and see if anyone happens to slide through it!" Needless to say it took me about an hour to get back up to the slope . That and, I got a cuncussion! Yay for me, lol. 45mph + first time ever one a snowboard = pain and unconciesness (sp?). Anywho, I'm sure you wanna hear a joke now .

I thought this one was pretty funny since I happen to live in a redneck state.

Memo from Santa:

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately ........
I will no longer serve the States of Georgia, Florida,
Alabama, North and South Carolina, Tennessee,
Mississippi, Texas,Louisiana,and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth,
my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies
and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract,
I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep
that in mind.

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good
hands with your local replacement, who happens to be
my third cousin, Bubba Claus.

His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares
my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls;
however, there are a few differences between us.

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents
from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a
bumper sticker that reads:
"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that
children leave an RC cola and pork rinds on the fireplace.

3. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and
Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear,
"On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."

4. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And you also
are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat"

5. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh
does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with
the words "Back Off."

6. The usual Christmas movie classics such as
"Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will
not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead,
you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and
"Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as
Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing
into each other.

And Finally,

7. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd
make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way
when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus

[Res]

lmao.. :D

[Res]

... that "australian" farmer isn't right.. if you were from australia you'd know it's the new zealander's that are known for sheep 'shaggin..  but i like the joke    dam.. those rejection lines from women are so true..  #4  is hell funny.. from Seinfeld as well..



*******EDIT, wtf! i pressed 'add fast reply'.. and it takes me to some shiteaters site.. wtf?!?! !

Edited by Res, 01 March 2006 - 02:41 AM.

[KOK_Sparxxx]

funny funny guy, unless we are smoking, then he jus kills my buzz making me laugh

DAMN YOU FRANKY!!

[Uchiha-Sango]

 Res, on Mar 1 2006, 01:36 AM, said:

*******EDIT, wtf! i pressed 'add fast reply'.. and it takes me to some shiteaters site.. wtf?!?! !

someone was screwing with us you aint the only one that had that happen.. its been fixed now though